Have you ever been in a situation where your boss gave most of the credit to your peer, while you were the one who did most of the work. Or, you have a peer who delays the project by waiting to check-in at the last moment.
If you are like most Programmers in the Tech industry, you avoid addressing uncomfortable issues headon. To grow into your role it is imperative that you learn how to manage conflicts constructively and not let it impact the quality of your work or yourself. To get promoted to senior positions, this is one behaviour that is required and is tested in almost all interviews. If you can’t demonstrate that you are mature enough to not just handle conflicts but confront people when required it’s unlikely that you will be promoted to lead a team.
The good news is that it’s not so difficult – you can develop this behaviour and use every opportunity for conflict management as a practice session. Here is what you could do:
Bring your concern out in the open.
Talk to the person involved directly, asking them if you could set up some time to talk. Ask him or her when would be a good time to discuss the issue. If they do not want to meet the same day, let them take the time. Make the messaging non-threatening like ‘I wanted to get your perspective’ and really mean it. That’s all it takes – meet in person, tell them how you feel about the issue, tell them that you wanted to get their perspective. Make sure you meet in a neutral territory like the cafe or a lounge area in the office.
Make it about the issue not the person
Tell them how much you like working with them and you wanted to clarify the issue. And listen!
Find a way forward
Now that both side’s perspectives are on the table, together you can find a solution without pointing fingers at each other. Be objective and make sure to not bring your egos in the discussion.
When to bring in the manager?
In most cases you won’t have to do this but if even after talking this out you two don’t resolve the issue, you may bring the manager in but you two have to put a united front. Send an email to the manager drafted by both of you and make sure that it’s signed as such. Let your manager know that you want them to mediate.
As you grow more comfortable in such situations your boss and colleagues will start to respect you for how you work through these challenges to collaborate. That promotion is not far!